if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
