So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
