"it" just moved
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
