doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
