it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
