she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
