her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
