Don't make out with my wife yet
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
