in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
