just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
