you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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