thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
