I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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