there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
