either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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