we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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