im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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