It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
