Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
