she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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