If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Rumble strips road head = magical
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
