i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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