her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
