peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
