so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.