I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
