First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
