I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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