u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
