Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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