The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
