Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
