Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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