i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
