You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
