@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
