I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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