I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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