omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
