Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
