Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
