He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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