i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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