His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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