Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
