i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
