i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
