Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
