I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
two words: eviction party
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
