Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
