Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
