Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
