until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
