to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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