toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
there's paper in my vomit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
