spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
