Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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