They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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