Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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