you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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