I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
