tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
