the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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