I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
