I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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