Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
