I just cut my nipple shaving
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
