Do you still have your period?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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