my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
