i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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