He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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