Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
