He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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