On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
