Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you will always have a special place in my vag
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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