she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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