Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
