So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
