Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
