I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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