You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your cock deserves a montage
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
