Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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