I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he shaved USA in his pubs
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ttyl tear gas
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
